Poofygoo

Fall veggies are by far my favorite, and my humble roofdeck garden seems to agree. A lot of the summer veggies broiled in the sun, but the fall veggies gobble it up. Brussels sprouts, beetroot, fennel, arugula, broccoli - all the dense, spicy veggies that you can sink your teeth into. 

I was assisting a class on French Herbal Liqueurs a few weeks ago when one of the guests asked me if you could cook with booze, the same way you cook with wine. Yup yup! The best combo I’ve come up with so far are brussels sprouts and fennel carmelized with chartreuse. Once the alcohol cooks off, you’re left with all 130 of those herbal extracts to complement the anise flavors and the pungency of the brussels sprouts.

Whatcha Need

• 1 stalk of brussels sprouts (or grab a bag from the grocer), cut in half lengthwise
• 1 small to medium bulb of fennel, chopped into thin slivers (discard the inner bulb)
• 1/4 cup green chartreuse (if you’re ambivalent about that strong anise flavor, yellow chartreuse is a better way to ease your way in)
• 1-2 tablespoons of raw cane sugar or brown sugar (don’t use white!) 
• 1 medium honeycrisp apple
• 1-2 tablespoons of butter (NOT olive oil - it makes anything in the cabbage family taste really bitter and sulfuric) - use sparingly; you can always add more. 

Make it Happen: 

• Melt the butter in a large frying pan over medium heat
• Add a TON of pink peppercorn to the butter
• Add the fennel and the brussels sprouts, flat side down
• Let the veggies absorb the butter
• Add your chartruese, slowly, letting it steam up the pan
• Wait about a minute, add the sugar
• Keep stirring it around; as the liquid gets almost entirely absorbed into the pan and the sugar melts,  look for the flat side of the brussels sprouts to start to char. 
• Once that happens, put a lid on the pan for maybe a minute - watch carefully! You don’t want to overcook them! 
• Remove from heat, and serve over thinly sliced apples. Instead of using a fork, use the apple to scoop the mixture into your mouth. 
• You’re gonna want to wash that pan right away or it’ll never get the gunk out. 

I served these with an obese heirloom tomato my friend gave me from his garden; the seeds have been in his family since the 1600s! I was worried the tomato wouldn’t go with the flavor profile, but I needed to use it up, so what the hell. It ended up being crazy delicious. To make it happen, before you cook your sprouts, cut the tomato into thin slices and plate them on the dishes you’ll be serving. Sprinkle some sea salt over them; let sit. Before you put the sprouts on the plate, drizzle a bit of olive oil and sherry vinegar over the top.

Caution: May Cause Euphoria

As you’ve heard by now, DC has been rocked by an earthquake that registered 5.8 on the Richter Scale. I’m just now getting reports on the totality of the devastation - a friend reports her glass canister of muesli succumbed to the violence of the shaking, the shards of glass mingling with the oats in a visceral metaphor of the travesty that has rent the very fabric of this nation apart. 

The Washington Post headlines the trauma: “Some District traffic lights flashing”. But we have so very few details beyond that. Are the lights flashing on? Off? If only someone could give us answers!!! And we’re starting to see the first pictures of the devastation: lawn chairs torn asunder; bocce courts leaking like the crapsand from a kitty litter box after the cat got into the peanut butter.  With only four days before Labor Day weekend to clean up, some District residents are facing their grim new reality of a few extra hours of unanticipated yardwork. 

The devastation chez moi was brutal. My sock puppet portraits on the mantle were seriously disheveled. DISHEVELED, PEOPLE.  I had to pick up several things I had already put away this morning in an effort to procrastinate writing a few pages I owe to my peer editors. Since I was already wasting time to begin with by procrastinating, I suppose no harm/no foul, but still, I need something to bitch about. And possibly some tips for how to chill out an EXTREMELY edgy cat. 

In real terms, a 5.9 earthquake is smaller than a halfway decent orgasm, but slightly more rumbly than a dumptruck idling outside your house. I know this, having had a dumptruck idle outside my house this morning for handy comparison. It’s like he knew. Cue the Twilight Zone theme song. 

Mostly, I feel a sense of tremendous relief. That everyone is safe? Yeah, kind of, but that’s not where I was really going. I feel like I narrowly avoided a huge disaster - in my flirtation with cleaning this morning, I almost dusted and vacuumed, which I would have had to do all over again (it was a big enough quake to shake plaster from the molding). Crisis averted!

I was supposed to be writing all summer long. I have been, just not here.  But with only two weeks left of this life before the new adventure starts, I suppose it’s time to get on it. More to come… 

Lightfoot, this is your fault. 

I need this for my roofdeck.